What Is Emotional Regulation And Why Is It So Important?

By Kashfa Zafar

Have you ever felt hangry? If you’re human, chances are that you’ve been so hungry at some point that you were extremely irritated by everything and everyone around, but you were probably too agitated to realize that your bad mood was the result of a fairly common human experience – hunger. Emotionally heightened experiences can be really overwhelming resulting in cognitive overload; Your mind might respond by ‘shutting down,’ suspending your abilities of rational judgment. That is why for someone observing your behavior, you might seem like a less-than-stable individual. Of course, you know that you’re not some irrational person but in the case of experiencing ‘hanger,’ even you might be surprised by the things you say or do without realizing the reasons behind your seemingly ecstatic behavior. If only you knew that you were simply hungry, and the solution to your troubles was just a refrigerator door away. Wouldn’t that make your life easier?

Well, the good news is that there’s definitely a way. It’s called emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to exercise control over your emotional state so you’re in a better position to respond appropriately to the demands of a given situation. Emotional regulation skills obviously extend far beyond the scope of simply experiencing hanger. These skills are positively correlated to your social and emotional intelligence and can provide effective management skills for those experiencing depression and anxiety. 

The key in developing emotional regulation skills is to cultivate and practice mindful awareness. When you find yourself in an emotionally provocative situation, remove yourself physically from that negative space and redirect your attention towards what you’re feeling physically. Notice how your body feels. Does your chest feel tighter? Is your heart racing? Are you experiencing a headache? Whatever the case maybe, you can applaud yourself for practicing what is known as cognitive reappraisal. Instead of focusing too much on your negative thoughts and feelings, you have now managed to divert your mind towards how these negative effects present themselves physically in your body. When you do this, you are regaining control over your judgment and actions and not letting your emotions drive your thoughts and behavior. Cognitive reappraisal is a simple yet highly effective tool used in many different types of psychotherapies. It the ability to reframe your cognitions or alter your way of thinking. So, in the case above, you have reframed your experience of the situation because instead of focusing on your negative feelings and thoughts that might have negatively affected your perception of the given circumstances, you’ve concentrated your attention to somewhat neutral bodily sensations. 

Now that you’ve rerouted your thoughts from the situation onto yourself, the next step is to explore your feelings. Simply acknowledging that you’re feeling ‘bad’ or ‘mad’ is only a start. Dig a little deeper and notice what kind of negative emotions you’re feeling. If possible, write them down. Ask yourself what emotion might be masking itself in the form of anger. Sadness? Guilt? Shame? Hopelessness? For this, you have to be honest with yourself. Execute the same mindfulness that you practiced when noticing how your body felt. Without judging what comes up for you, identify both the surface-level as well as hidden emotions. By practicing this exercise over time, you’ll not only be able to develop and refine your emotional awareness, but you’ll also be able to tell what kind of emotional experience you’re having by simply noticing how your body feels. Each emotion has a physiological reaction in the body, and because you would have monitored the physical manifestation of the identified emotion, you’ll know how to regulate your behavior without being emotionally flooded. 

Once you’ve become regular in the practice of emotional regulation, you’ll feel you have greater self-control even in the face of the most pressing and pressurizing situations. Instead of letting your emotions control you, you’ll be able to take charge of your life, be it personal, social or professional.